The last 4 months have been difficult. I have had my ups and downs. My emotions have wavered much more than I could ever have imagined. I have had days where the site of a pregnant woman brought me to an endless amount of tears. I have had days where the site of a pregnant woman brought me to a time of conentment and a hope for the future. It just depended on the day or even time of day.
I have never lost the memories of holding my baby boy in my belly daydreaming of what he would look like, who he would act like and what type of mother I would be. I hold on to the hopes and dreams G and I had for a family. I hold on to them tightly but at times I cannot help but let them go in fear.
It has been a rough road. A road I never in a million years thought I would have to travel. I have struggled to take each day at a time. It was a struggle that has gotten me through to today which is my EDD. An EDD is an estimate something that I thought I would always take lightly, but not today. Today is a definite. I think of it as the day where my life was supposed to be filled with happiness and possibly anticipation. Today is now a day of tears. I never in a million years anticipated the emotions that would cripple me today.
I miss him. I miss what was. I miss what should be.
I have began to accept there will always be tears. There will always be dates engraved in my mind and heart that when encountered will leave me with nothing but tears.
I miss you. Your daddy misses you. Your family misses you.